Hotel Noir (2012)

This movie was released under the name “City of Sin,” which was obviously too close to “Sin City,” and thus can be found in your local video rental store with the title “Hotel Noir” (2012), but still has its original title card at the five minute mark.

As you might be able to guess from the title, this film is an attempt at a homage to the detective noir radio shows and movies of the past.
Notice that I said “attempt”...

Let’s start with this: for a “film noir,” the entire movie was shot in full color.

Much of the script was rapid fire commentary and quick wit between whichever two characters were onscreen at the time. But because it was so persistent, and unrealistic to how people actually talk, instead it just comes across as very long series of stunted, discombobulated verbal jabs.
A few scenes were just characters running long mental monologues of exposition and back story over a background of something relevant to whatever they’re saying.
I realize that both styles of dialogue are thematically correct, which worked well for radio shows of decades gone by, but somehow doesn’t work in a modern film.

Speaking of a “modern” film, the story was told as a series flashbacks within flashbacks and side stories leading to other side stories.
It’s the kind of twisty story telling where each component eventually ties into every other component, like “Crash” (2004) or “Valentine’s Day” (2010), and while it worked for those movies, in this one it ends up feeling confusing for the sake of being artsy.

Apparently I’ve only ever Rufus Sewell in movies where he used an American accent. I can safely say I don’t like his native British one.

Unfortunately, because Danny DeVito’s outfits in this were almost identical to the style of outfits he wears in contemporary things, he felt very out of place in all of his scenes.

Of all the actors in this film, Carla Gugino seemed most at home in her role as a film noir femme fatale.

At one point, Malin Ackerman and Rufus Sewell were discussing the sex lives of superheroes, and Sewell says “this took an odd turn,” which makes for a conveniently succinct description the whole movie.

This wasn’t bad, per se, but it wasn’t great either.
It’s certainly not the worst movie I’ve seen this month.
I did expect Garrison Keillor to start narrating at some point, but that never happened - a huge missed opportunity.

“The Spirit” (2008) is a comic-book-turned-movie that played heavily into the film noir theming too - it was ridiculous, and it had Samuel L. Jackson as a crazed, sorta-immortal super villain. 
I would recommend that instead of this if you’re looking to scratch your noir itch without actually finding something classic.
But if you find yourself on an airline and you see “Hotel Noir” next to a list of things you’ve watched before, this isn’t the worst way to lose 90 minutes.