This is ClawReviews. My last name has ‘Claw’ and I review movies; the naming convention for this site is a stroke of creative genius.
All in Stupid
Imagine wearing a meat suit while getting chased by lions, but you can only stumble forward slowly.
That would be a more enjoyable experience than watching this.
Build something ridiculous out of Legos, then step on it repeatedly. It’ll be more fun than watching this, I promise.
A Bay-hem explosion-fest with only 1/6th the quirk it needed to feel fun. It’s okay Michael, we miss Optimus Prime too
I would rather teach sex-ed to my boss than watch these two movies ever again.
What if the legendary ‘Fountain of Youth’ wasn’t a fountain at all, but a location where time slows down?
Unfortunately, someone decided to let their weird slash-fic fantasy escape the confines of their mind and now we have to live in a universe where Nicholas Hoult and Kristen Stewart had to pretend to like each other for 90 minutes
One thousand years ago, a sentient piece of linen decided to use binary code to tell a group of fanatical hooded weirdos who like to knit who they should murder.
Frank finds out he has terminal cancer and decides to make the most of the last few days of his life: by killing people.
The only thing that came out of this that I liked was the realization that the phrase “I drink your milkshake” was spoken during the last five minutes.
It appears France got tired of not getting its cities destroyed, and wanted a sweet, sweet piece of that disaster-porn pie, giving the U.S. a chance to not be the focal point for alien-based destruction.
